This was supposed to be a funny YouTube comment but then it got way too real

The lusty cries of my child rip me out of sweet nothingness I stumble downstairs, smacking the light switch Fill the bottle up to 270ml of water Add 9 spoons of powdered milk, screw on teat, and microwave for exactly 45 seconds (5 seconds for every 30ml is the rule of thumb, for my microwave […]

Reasons Not To Breastfeed (by a breastfeeding mother)

OH HELL NO YOU DON’T IT’S 11PM FOR- Too late, the editor’s open. I have to write the article now. What was it about again? Oh yes. I tend to avoid bandwagons. For instance, I don’t read the news daily, I just wait until a bunch of peopleĀ on social media start talking about it, and […]

Parenting 101: DO NOT FUCK WITH YOUR CHILD’S SLEEP SCHEDULE

In hindsight, the party was a terrible idea. For one thing, it started at 7pm, which is her new bedtime as of this week. Secondly, it was in a barn in the middle of nowhere that had been rented out specially, which meant there would be no warm, dark, quiet room to put her to […]

The Things I Love About Her

To anyone who stumbled on this article without knowing what it’s about, no, this is not about all the things I love about my lesbian lover. I don’t have a lesbian lover, because a) my libido is on maternity leave, and (therefore?) b) my partner and I are not in an open relationship right now. […]

Stomach Flu While Breastfeeding: The 8th Layer Of Hell

WARNING: the following article is gross. I mean, it’s in the title. Finish your lunch before reading. If you have ever breastfed, you will know that the stimulation your nipples receive while breastfeeding cause contractions that, just after birth, serve to shrink your uterus back down to its normal un-pregnant size. This can be a […]

You will regret having kids

First of all, watch this video: Pessimistic, right? Any loving parent would surely disagree, especially one like me whose baby is generally smiley and easy-going, and who has been completely infatuated with her since the moment they put her on my chest? Yeah, no. They’re right. I have, and occasionally still do, regret having had […]