Several Infallible Arguments To Not Shave Your Legs While Pregnant.

(Clickbaity title is clickbaity)

  1. You’re pregnant. The whole point of shaving your legs, from a cultural-evolutionary perspective (which is a concept I just invented), was to attract a mate in order to reproduce, right? You’re done with the “attracting a mate” part, ergo you no longer need to shave your legs. What do you mean, you “do it for yourself” and “just like having smooth legs”? Shut up.
  2. It’s not like you want sex anyway. Your libido seems to have gone on holiday along with all your energy and half your IQ, which have been replaced by your new friends Nausea, Heartburn and Really Painful Gas. If this is not the case for you, you and your perfectly smooth legs are cordially invited to go jump in a lake.
  3. What’s the point of shaving your legs if they’re covered with compression stockings all the time anyway?
    Your partner? What about them? See point n°2.
  4. If you’re not wearing compression stockings, your legs, feet and ankles are horribly swollen and disfigured anyway. If this is not the case for you, GJIAL.*
  5. No Real Man cares about a little bit of hair. It’s what’s underneath it that counts. If your partner is a woman, just tell her that if it bothers her so much, SHE should have been the one to get pregnant.
  6. Your belly gets in the way. No, seriously. Have you seen yourself trying to put shoes on? And now you want to apply a deadly sharp razor to your legs, with such limited visibility? Don’t you think you spend enough time at the hospital at the moment?
  7. Your dignity flew out the window when you went to that first scan with your partner, which was vaginal, remember? Smooth legs can’t bring that back. (Bonus points if they watched you get a pap smear, too.)
  8. Your skin has been hypersensitive / allergic since you’ve been pregnant, meaning that not only have you had to entirely change your usual skin care routine, but shaving now renders your legs red and inflamed for 48hrs afterwards, by which point you’re stubbly again thanks to those very same hormones that are thickening your hair. Let’s not even try waxing.
  9. Nobody’s looking at your legs any more, anyway. Everyone’s fixated on your belly. And your new, massive boobs.
  10. You’re pregnant, therefore you have the ultimate excuse to be slovenly and unlady-like. Seriously, never again will society be so forgiving of your laziness, so make the most of it. You’ll wish you had once the baby’s here and their expectations go back up to their usual unreasonable standards… despite the fact that you’ll have no time to shave then anyway.

*GJIAL – Go Jump In A Lake

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s