#Pregnancy Cravings, or Fuck My Blood Sugar Levels I Want Cheesecake

Now, before you judge me for being a Bad Mother, you really should watch this video. If you can do that and tell me you’re not tempted to make banana cheesecake in a mug, you are either some weird mutant who doesn’t like banana cheesecake, or you are lying. And even if cheesecake ain’t your thing, you still can’t judge me. Look me in the eye. Don’t think I don’t see you sneaking chocolate digestives into your shopping trolley and then swear to god you thought they were plain. You knew they were chocolate, the packets aren’t the same colour. Don’t bullshit me.

Here’s the video:

I have a theory wherein this guy is the Devil Himself come to tempt me, because BANANA and CHEESECAKE is bad enough in the same sentence without the amazingly convenient IN A MUG added on. If he’d added CINNAMON to the mix I might actually have started stalking him. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that the night after I watched this video, I had a quasi-erotic dream about making that mug cake, with a speculoos base and cinnamon on top, and when I woke up I just knew it had to be so.

That was Monday, though, and on Tuesday we went out with a friend to the park and bought ice cream, and I thought I’d better not have even more sugar after that, what with my gestational diabetes test coming up in a couple of weeks, so I left it till the next day. Then came yesterday, and with our niece visiting my boyfriend decided to make chocolate cake, so I couldn’t make it then, either.

Today I woke up to find him baking some kind of cinnamon roll in the oven and thought FUCK IT I’M HAVING BOTH TODAY. Four days obsessing over a goddamn banana cheesecake is too many days. I’m even worrying myself here.

So tonight I went to make the banana cheesecake – with speculoos base and cinnamon on top, of course – and I realised that while I had insisted that my boyfriend buy the cream cheese and the fresh cream and the eggs, and kept one now overripe banana aside especially, I’d forgotten we didn’t have any butter. We’d used it all up in the chocolate cake yesterday.

Not one to admit defeat so easily, I took out the peanut oil and replaced the tablespoon of butter in the recipe with two tablespoons of that instead. The biscuits didn’t really stick together as well, and once cooked some rose to the surface, but then I hadn’t powdered them in a blender – I’d put them in a freezer bag and SMASHED THEM WITH A HAMMER instead (anyone who gets that reference, I love you) so maybe that was why.

Even though you don’t see it in the video, I’m pretty sure he blends the other ingredients together, too. I whipped my up in a bowl with a fork and it was still pretty lumpy. Mug recipes are supposed to be short and convenient though, and I couldn’t be arsed getting the blender out, so I poured it in anyway.

I’d made enough for two mug cakes, but I still had some left over, so I did this experiment with crumbled pain d’épices (sort of gingerbread loaf) in a smaller cup, we’ll see how that went tomorrow.

My microwave is 750W max, whereas his is 800W. Still, 2mins30-ish (we have a very approximative minute dial) was sufficient to cook the cheesecake in my microwave. Even opening it to bubble down halfway through, though, both cups overflowed, the second one quite a lot. The end result was pretty ugly, even after I’d covered it in cinnamon, and at first I could smell the egg and was like “nooooo please don’t disappoint me…”

Was not disappointed.

Was, in fact, delighted with the result.

Slightly dismayed because there’s more cream cheese in the fridge and another mug cake plus the experiment and I’m probably going to fail my less-sugar resolution and make more.

But for now, it was totally worth it.

Join me for my gestational diabetes test in two weeks, when I bitterly regret even thinking of watching a cooking video, ever…

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